People would like to believe that they are not shallow and that “personality” is the most important part in a relationship and looks are just a plus. Of course, personality is important when looking for a significant other, and the compatibility has to be there in order to feel the connection. As much as we don’t want to admit it, all of us have some shallowness in us that causes us to view looks as an important quality when choosing a mate.
Physical Attractiveness does matter and attractive people are pleasing to look at, but looks go beyond just finding a person attractive. There are other things looks are associated with such as good looks representing good things about a person (Gruman et al, 2017). Is this true? That is debatable because there are plenty of people who are good looking in this world who have the worst personalities, but people may automatically think that if a person looks good than they must have good qualities. People are attractive to looks for other reasons than just the physical appearance.
Looks can identify with Sexual Attraction as well. Looks are not based off of sexual attraction solely, but that is where it begins, and finding someone physical attractive is not the only reason they are eventually attracted to them sexually, but initial attraction based on their appearance is evident (Smith, 2018). Clearly, most relationships start out by face-to-face relationships or online relationships where you see a person first in person or a picture on the computer before you get to know them. Therefore, it may be safe to say that all relationships start out based on looks.
Another way to look at looks is that physical attractiveness serves as a gateway to something more important. Physical attractiveness could serve as a gatekeeper that directs people towards partners who are healthy, age appropriate, and able to reproduce (Fugere, 2017). Again, it leads us to believe that the first thing that is noticed is physical attractiveness, but not just for the look portion in a mate, but underlying characteristics that could be important for a productive overall relationship. Research indicates that when people make real-life dating and mating decisions, physical appearance dominates and relationships that are pursued the most are with those who are attractive (Fugere, 2017).
Although at times on the other end of the spectrum, sometimes looks do not matter to people, including ourselves as much as we may think it does. It is possible that we are not always consciously aware the importance of physical attractiveness, but it could be that people do not necessarily want partners who are extremely attractive, just attractive enough (Fugere, 2017). The sad reality is that this statement may be true. Not everyone in the world is going to be 100% physically fit or drop dead gorgeous. Majority of the world is average and we may look at someone and think they have good looks, but as we get to know their personality and their characteristics as a person, it may boost up their looks tremendously. What is considered to be moderately attractive varies from person to person (Fugere, 2017). Not everyone has the same taste in significant others. That is what makes us all unique and different.
Overall, all the evidence leads to looks being a major factor or at least a contributing factor in a relationship. We want to feel that attraction to the person we are in a relationship with and that usually starts with that first glimpse at that picture on a dating website or first look at the bar when you notice them from a distance. It is important to remember that other personality factors do play an important role in relationships, but those are the building blocks to a relationship, not the initial beginning that starts with a look.
References
Fugère, M. A. (2017, January 5). Why Physical Attraction Matters, and When It Might Not. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-and-mating/201701/why-physical-attraction-matters-and-when-it-might-not
Gruman, J. A., Schneider, F. W., and Coutts, L. M. (Eds.) (2017). Applied Social Psychology: Understanding and Addressing Social and Practical Problems (3rd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Smith, K. (2018, December 8). 4 Reasons Why Appearance Matters in Relationships. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-reasons-why-appearance-matters-in-relationships/
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FAQs
“How you look at a person and the relationship tells a lot about your perspective. Some have no problem admitting that physical attraction is more important than emotional attraction while there are some people who solely look for their partner based on personality and similarity.
Do looks really matter in a relationship? ›
All in all, most romantic relationships involve some level of physical or sexual attraction. This means that “looks,” in a sense, do matter. However, appearances are not the foundation of a relationship, and they are certainly not the main reason that a relationship will fail or succeed in the long term.
Why is appearance important in a relationship? ›
Research indicates that there is a definite connection between physical appearance and attraction. Physical appearance is usually the first thing that draws us to someone as a potential partner.
How to answer looks or personality? ›
Yes, personality matters more than looks. The preference for personality and appearance may be found all around the world. People are more inclined to value personality above good appearance. Every person desires to look good.
How do you answer what I look for in a relationship? ›
Answer clearly, concisely, and honestly. Your response should reflect what is truly important to you. Possible things to look for in a relationship include emotional maturity, mutual trust and respect, friendship, physical attraction, and clear communication.
Can marriage last without physical attraction? ›
In short, yes. You can be in love but not sexually attracted to your partner. Long-term partnerships are complicated. Over time, it's common for people to feel less attracted to their partner.
Does physical attraction matter in a relationship? ›
Physical attraction is important, but not everything
It is true that looks are probably the first step to selecting a romantic partner, but it shouldn't be the only factor. A strong and healthy relationship isn't about how a person looks, but how a person behaves.
Does body image matter in a relationship? ›
Negative feelings centered around body image can deeply affect our relationships, happiness, and how easily we move through our day to day lives.
Does your appearance really matter? ›
"Physical appearance boosts self-confidence and self-esteem. One feels very reassured when other people admire them and prefer to associate with them because they find them very attractive. In certain professions, looks make a lot of difference. A model has to look his or her best."
How much beauty matters in a relationship? ›
Attractiveness tends to be a more important factor in dating decisions than traits like personality, education, and intelligence. The longer a couple knows each other, the less important physical attractiveness becomes for maintaining a long-term relationship.
25 biggest red flags in a guy
- Jealousy. ...
- Gaslighting. ...
- Communication kibosh. ...
- All his exes are “craaazy” ...
- Double standards. ...
- Your wins are his losses. ...
- He's always the victim. ...
- Energy vampire. Do you feel exhausted after spending time with him?
Researchers looked at nine different traits and when it comes to dating, women care more about intelligence, education, age, and the emotional connection they form. As for guys, they care more about looks and body type… But that isn't the case their whole lives.
Do you think looks matter than personality? ›
Answer: No, personality matters more. A person can be cruel despite having charming features, the attractive cashier you unintentionally met on the supermarket may be a person who finds themself more valuable than everyone else. Physical attributes can't always match up to how someone thinks and acts.
What do you really look for in a relationship? ›
Healthy relationships involve honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners and they take effort and compromise from both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation, and share decisions.
What kind of relationship is right for me? ›
You're in the right relationship if you feel your partner is there for you when you need support, and that the relationship is overall a great addition to your life. In short, it's adding value to the joy you experience in life. Conflict in a relationship is inevitable and normal.
How to figure out what you want in a relationship? ›
Here are five ways to help you do just that:
- Define your core values.
- Understand your emotional needs.
- Identify your love pattern.
- Test drive a potential relationship.
- Once dating, go in for a three-month checkup.
However, it is crucial to recognize that a lasting relationship requires more than just a captivating appearance. While beauty and physical attraction undeniably contribute to initial attraction, they alone cannot sustain a relationship in the long run.
Am I shallow if I care about looks? ›
In short… It's not shallow to care about looks. It's important to feel drawn to the person you choose to commit to. But that shouldn't be where the assessment stops.
Is it true that you look like your partner? ›
Studies have in fact found that spouses are similar in their body mass index, weight, and height. This resemblance in body type may result from preferences for those who are similar or from shared lifestyles (in the case of weight).
