Why won’t your partner publicly celebrate your relationship? It’s called ‘pocketing.’ (2024)

FAQs

Why won’t your partner publicly celebrate your relationship? It’s called ‘pocketing.’? ›

Sometimes, people pocket because they're trying to hide their own social network, based on misconceptions around socioeconomic status or cultural differences. Being hurt in the past might cause them to be hesitant. Still, regardless of the reason, long-term pocketing is never healthy for a relationship.

'Relationship pocketing' is a new term used in the dating world where your partner consistently avoids sharing you with others. There is no mention of you on their social media posts or among their friends and family.

Pocketing someone can be a subtle form of manipulation and control, as it puts the power into the hands of the one pocketing. They may want to keep their partners to themselves and not share them with others - a red flag in a relationship that indicates deeper issues around trust and control.

Just like the name sounds, the practice refers to someone hiding you from others when it comes to your relationship. 'Pocketing', or 'Stashing' is when someone you're dating hides you from their friends and family and is, unsurprisingly, a very toxic practice.

Listen to their fears. Moving on from a pocketing relationship can take some effort from both people. You might need to reassess how you communicate your needs, and they might need to let go of some fears. Depending on where you are in the relationship, you might decide to go to a therapist or counselor.

Red Flag #2: Always Cancelling Last Minute

Now, I don't think we should throw everybody to the wayside the first time they cancel out, maybe not even the second time. But when there is this pattern of this person cancelling last minute consistently, I think that's an indicator that you're wasting your time.

Your partner can't vocalize the future

The inability to plan or talk about the future is a very clear sign that you may be a placeholder for the person you're dating.

Sometimes, people pocket because they're trying to hide their own social network, based on misconceptions around socioeconomic status or cultural differences. Being hurt in the past might cause them to be hesitant. Still, regardless of the reason, long-term pocketing is never healthy for a relationship.

1. Overly controlling behavior. Overly controlling behavior is a common red flag in relationships. People that try to control your movements, decisions, or beliefs are more concerned about what they want than what is best for you.

Stonewalling involves refusing to communicate with another person and withdrawing from the conversation to create distance between the individual and their partner. Intentionally shutting down during an argument, also known as the silent treatment, can be hurtful, frustrating, and harmful to the relationship.

What does paperclipping mean? ›

a situation where someone you have dated suddenly sends you a message after a long period of time, then disappears again. Additional Information. "'Paperclipping' is the latest dating trend to be given an official name, following the likes of 'Kondo-ing', 'Masturdating' and 'Fishing'.

Your desire for control might also cause you act more clingy, possessive or codependent. “Toxic partners often find themselves lying and hiding from their partner while also remaining fiercely codependent,” Said explained. “Codependency is a form of passive manipulation motivated by fear.

Inconsistent behaviour

However, in a toxic situationship, you may notice a pattern of erratic behavior from your partner. They might exhibit unpredictable mood swings, fluctuating between being warm and affectionate one moment and distant or cold the next.

The chances are, you may be on the receiving end of pocketing – a dating trend (and potentially emotionally abusive behaviour – we'll get to that) in which your partner(s) appear to avoid publicly acknowledging or celebrating your relationship.

Surefire ways to know that you're being pocketed? If your partner never makes plans with other people - They constantly make excuses about why you don't meet their family and friends - They always meet you in discrete spots - You're never properly introduced if you run into somebody they know.

"Pocketing is a situation where a person you're dating avoids or hesitates to introduce you to their friends, family or other people they know, in-person or on social media, even though you've been going out for a while.

It might be that they don't want to commit and involve someone in their lives, or they might be scared to introduce someone if things don't work out. Dan from Kulin Nation, Melbourne told The Hook Up he would pocket people only because he didn't see the relationship as anything serious or long term.

“It's a situation in which one person in a romantic partnership keeps another person in their life as a potential backup or reserve option, often while actively pursuing or maintaining a primary relationship with someone else,” explains Thomas.