Why do borderline people push people away?
If someone has a borderline personality, they will always push people away, in fear of getting hurt. This is extremely difficult and painful for the people around them, as the sufferer can seem cold and angry, attention seeking, or not wanting help.
Pulling someone into a close relationship and then pushing that person away repeatedly is one of the most well-known symptoms of BPD. It causes the person in question to be confused about where they stand in the relationship.
Respect their need for space. You will reach a point where your loved one seems to be pushing you away. Don't walk away and leave them, but do respect their need for space. And let them know that.
Results found in a 2014 study found the average length of a BPD relationship between those who either married or living together as partners was 7.3 years. However, there are cases where couples can stay together for 20+ years.
If the person experiencing borderline personality disorder symptoms feels insecure about a relationship, they may attempt to distance themselves from the other person.
Along with high emotions - the borderline partner's fear of abandonment may be triggered and they may try harder to hold onto the relationship - or possibly they won't be able to cope and will seek retribution.
"People with BPD are going around in the world with brain signals constantly telling them that people are threatening," Fineberg says. "They need more space around them to feel safe."
Yes absolutely. But not in all cases. If you're in a position of being devalued, initially you must have been in a position of being valued. Devaluation happens when the fear of abandonment and/or rejection is triggered.
Recognize in your loved one's abilities and help them realize their own potential rather than taking on their challenges for them. Let them know that you support them and believe in them. Help them take steps to become more self-sufficient, not less. Of course, this does not mean ignoring legitimate crises.
Do Borderlines Come Back After Discard? Sometimes BPD exes come back because they miss you. Other times, they return because they've worked hard to improve themselves. Either way, if you've discarded your ex and blocked him/her, don't worry!
Do borderlines come back after breakups?
They'd come back because they probably just miss you and/or feel guilty, nothing else. This is a common characteristic of those with borderline personality disorder. People with BPD generally will have volatile relationships, where they swing from idealizing someone to absolutely detesting someone.
People with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.
This is where the term “favorite person” comes from in the borderline community. There is usually one of two people that we absolutely idolize and want to spend all our time with, and if they are busy and can't spend time with us we tend to get angry and feel abandoned.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
Breaking up with a “BPD” partner is often difficult because we do not have a valid understanding of the disorder or our part in the “loaded” relationship bond. As a result we often misinterpret our partners' actions and some of our own. Many of us struggle with some of the following false beliefs.
A person with BPD may also be very physical and eager to spend a lot of time with their partner. At the same time, people with BPD are sensitive to abandonment or rejection. Many are hyperfocused on perceived signs that a romantic partner isn't happy or may leave them.
A person with BPD is highly sensitive to abandonment and being alone, which brings about intense feelings of anger, fear, suicidal thoughts and self-harm, and very impulsive decisions. When something happens in a relationship that makes them feel abandoned, criticized, or rejected, their symptoms are expressed.
No contact is often perceived as abandonment. A person with BPD will likely feel hurt, betrayed, angry, sad, depressed…you name it. Look no further than the very first symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder according to the DSM: Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
BPD exes may block you on social media to punish you for something you did or said that hurt them. They need space. Sometimes, BPD exes just need time and space to heal from the relationship. Blocking you on social media is their way of creating that distance.
Previous research has demonstrated that patients with borderline personality disorder (BPD) are more sensitive to negative emotions and often show poor cognitive empathy, yet preserved or even superior emotional empathy.
How does a BPD show love?
The Science of Falling in Love
Affection – People with BPD are either extremely affectionate or withdrawn, which may be confusing for those who don't have the disorder. Abandonment – Lots of people are scared that their partner isn't happy; but when you have BPD, you may be in constant worry that they will leave.
Those who have BPD tend to be very intense, dramatic, and exciting. This means they tend to attract others who are depressed and/or suffering low self-esteem. People who take their power from being a victim, or seek excitement in others because their own life is not where they want it to be.
People with BPD may not have a consistent self-image or sense of self. This may worsen obsessive tendencies, since they may find it difficult to see themselves as real or worthy individually, separate from their relationships.
Splitting often occurs cyclically and very suddenly. A person with BPD can see the world in its complexity. But they often change their feelings from good to bad rather frequently. A splitting episode can last for days, weeks, months, or even years before shifting.
Ghosting is a common symptom of BPD. Ghosting occurs when someone abruptly cuts off all communication with another person without explanation. The ghost disappears from the relationship without any warning or explanation. This can leave the victim feeling confused, hurt, and betrayed.
Narcissism is not a symptom of BPD listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). However, as many as 40% of people with BPD may also have narcissistic personality disorder,4 so people with BPD may also show signs of narcissism.
Love bombing is more often seen by people with Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), and it is known to be toxic, abusive, and manipulative. But there is no doubt that people with Borderline personality disorder (BPD) also showcase love bombing behavior, but do they manipulate people consciously?
Codependency in a relationship usually occurs when one of the partners has a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). If your partner has either one of these personality disorders, you might find yourself stuck in a toxic codependent relationship.
We're loyal partners and friends
Though there's often an assumption that we have unstable relationships – and in fact this is listed as one of the main symptoms of BPD – we are extremely loyal. As mentioned above, we tend to put ourselves last. Relationships are truly important to us, and our loyalty is strong.
- Wrap up in a blanket and watch your favourite TV show.
- Write all your negative feelings on a piece of paper and tear it up.
- Listen to music that you find uplifting or soothing.
- Write a comforting letter to the part of yourself that is feeling sad or alone.
- Let yourself cry or sleep.
- Cuddle a pet or a soft toy.
Can borderline be manipulative?
One of the most common ways of characterizing patients diagnosed with borderline personality disorder is that they are manipulative. Clinical usage of the term varies widely but clearly carries a pejorative meaning.
Often it seems as though there is no remorse or regret when someone with borderline intentionally, or unintentionally, hurt someone they love. They say cruel things, act in cruel ways, and can cause real harm to themselves or to others. When called on it, they will act with little remorse or regret.
As a result, the fear of being abandoned often causes people with BPD to form unhealthy attachments, sometimes abruptly cutting off, as well as making frantic attempts to hold onto relationships. These overly intense or erratic behaviors, in turn, often push loved ones away.
Fear of intimacy
Pushing people away is one way of avoiding intimacy. In fact, this avoidance can act as a defense mechanism for people afraid of getting hurt in relationships. This could be because a past relationship ended badly, perhaps with rejection or even bereavement.
Many people still believe that those living with it can be manipulative or dangerous due to their symptoms. While this can be the case in a very small minority of people, most people with BPD are just struggling with their sense of self and their relationships. It's important to note that we're not dangerous people.
People with BPD are often terrified that others will leave them. However, they can also shift suddenly to feeling smothered and fearful of intimacy, which leads them to withdraw from relationships. The result is a constant back-and-forth between demands for love or attention and sudden withdrawal or isolation.
- Sweep your own porch. ...
- Ask them to open up. ...
- Be confident in your own space. ...
- Tap into deeper compassion. ...
- Be there and stay there.
Pushing people away again and again is a frequent sign of mental health problems such as depression and trauma.
With borderline personality disorder, you have an intense fear of abandonment or instability, and you may have difficulty tolerating being alone. Yet inappropriate anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you want to have loving and lasting relationships.
Those with borderline personality disorder have problems regulating emotional impulses and often experience rocky relationships. But new research suggests that many men find traits associated with borderline personality disorder to be appealing in physically attractive women.
Is borderline personality clingy?
People with BPD can act overly needy. If you take them out of their comfort zone, or when they feel “abandoned” they can become a burden.
People with BPD may be sensitive to rejection and abandonment and are prone to splitting, rage, and impulsivity. If a person with BPD feels rejected or abandoned, they may end the relationship. However, this is usually followed by significant anxiety and regret and efforts to get back together.
