Will My BPD-Ex Ever Contact Me Again (2024)

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Hello I'm Dr. George Keen PhD Holder in Mental Health care from Johns Hopkins University. Currently working as a university lecturer and writing this blog about borderline personality disordered for the people out there who need some help to understand themselves.

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It can be hard when you’re dealing with a BPD ex-partner. They may have suddenly disappeared from your life without any warning. Or maybe they’ve been gone for a while, and you’re not sure they’ll ever return. If you’re longing to rebuild a relationship with your BPD ex, it’s important to understand their behavior.

In this blog post, we’ll explore why BPD exes might go silent and offer some advice on how to make things right again.

Table of Contents

Will My Bpd Ex Ever Contact Me Again?

Yes, sometimes exes reach out to break down barriers and reconnect. However, you must remain vigilant against falling back into old habits. Even if you haven’t spoken in months, you shouldn’t give your ex another chance to mistreat you again. As soon as you hear from him, cut ties immediately. Block his phone calls and delete his texts. However, talk to your friends and family first to determine if you need additional support.

You can always talk to a therapist or trusted friend to figure out what happened between you two. Maybe you weren’t clear about your boundaries during the relationship, and now he feels entitled to disregard yours. Or perhaps he’s struggling with feelings of guilt and shame due to his addiction. Whatever the reason, you’ll learn valuable lessons by talking to a neutral party.

Remember, your goal is to heal and move on, so you don’t want to waste precious energy dwelling on your mistakes. Focus on your own happiness and wellness instead.

Do Borderlines Come Back After Discard?

Sometimes BPD exes come back because they miss you. Other times, they return because they’ve worked hard to improve themselves. Either way, if you’ve discarded your ex and blocked him/her, don’t worry! The person you rejected will eventually stop reaching out to you.

This is true regardless of whether you dated online or offline. Over time, people lose interest in others unless they prove themselves worthy of continued attention. Most internet users use apps like Tinder, Hinge, Match, etc., to swipe left or right on potential mates. So even if your ex contacted you via text message or email, you wouldn’t respond.

It’s important to remember that you control whom you share your details with. If you decide to rekindle a romantic connection with someone you met online, it’s best to set strict rules ahead. For example, agree to only communicate using specific platforms such as Facebook Messenger or WhatsApp. Set ground rules so you won’t accidentally expose your private information.

Also, keep tabs on common red flags to avoid scams. Some cybercriminals target lonely hearts looking for love by posing as attractive singles to steal personal data and money. Stay alert whenever you receive messages from unknown numbers, especially when they include requests for sensitive info like bank account login credentials.

Why Is My Bpd Ex Contacting Me?

There are many reasons why your BPD ex could reach out to you. Perhaps he misses you and wants to reconcile. Or maybe he’s feeling guilty about hurting you and wants to apologize. While these scenarios sound nice, they usually involve letting you win by giving him another shot.

However, you should respect your decision if you’ve already ended things. After all, you agreed to end the relationship because you knew your partner couldn’t commit. At least that’s what you believed at the time. But now he’s trying to convince you otherwise.

Unfortunately, he likely got confused about his emotions during the breakup. His brain chemistry changed, and he started seeing other people, causing him to think differently. He may believe you care deeply about him despite everything, which makes him doubt his judgment.

Don’t allow him to manipulate you further. Remain firm and stick to your guns. Do whatever you need to do to protect yourself. Whether blocking his number, calling the cops or cutting him off completely, make sure you act swiftly and decisively. Otherwise, he may continue harassing you indefinitely.

Should I Go With No Contact With My Bpd Ex?

If you’ve decided to go no contact with a BPD ex, there are some things you should keep in mind. First, no contact means just that – no communication whatsoever. This includes no text messages, phone calls, email, social media, gifts, or anything. It can be difficult to stick to this rule, but it’s important to remember that any communication will only give your ex false hope and prolong the breakup.

Second, you must be prepared for the possibility that your ex will try to break no contact. They may call you, show up at your house or workplace, or send you messages through friends or family members. If this happens, don’t cave. Stand firm and remind yourself that breaking no contact will only hurt you in the long run.

Finally, make sure you have a support system to help you through this tough time. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, it’s important to have people you can rely on when things get tough. Going no contact with a BPD ex is never easy, but if done correctly, it can be an empowering experience that helps you move on with your life.

How To Get My Bpd Ex Back?

If your ex-boyfriend reached out to you because he missed you, don’t hesitate to say hello. Just don’t engage in conversation beyond pleasantries. Make small talk and remind him that you enjoyed spending time together previously.

Then, casually mention that you plan to hang out sometime soon. Let him know you’ll bring dessert along, but don’t offer anything else. Your objective is to gauge his reaction. Does he seem receptive to meeting up? Is he flustered by the idea? These signs indicate that he wants to see you again.

Once you spot signals indicating that your ex is ready to reunite, schedule a casual coffee date. Agree to meet at a quiet location where neither of you will feel pressured to interact romantically. Bring a dessert and nothing else. Again, observe his reactions closely. Are his body language and tone positive? Does he smile politely throughout the entire encounter? If so, it’s probably safe to assume he’s happy to see you.

Of course, you don’t have to wait forever for your ex to initiate plans. Try setting aside short periods to connect, such as every Saturday morning. During each session, you can enjoy breakfast and catch up on news and current events. Over time, you’ll build trust and develop deeper connections. Eventually, you might even fall in love all over again.

Does BPD return after no contact?

After breaking up with a person with BPD, it’s normal to wonder if they will ever contact you again. Sometimes people with BPD return after no contact, but it’s important to remember that this doesn’t mean the relationship will automatically work out. The best way to rebuild a relationship with your BPD ex is by starting fresh and focusing on your own needs. This means setting boundaries, communicating openly, and getting professional support if necessary.

Does no contact work on a BPD?

No contact can be an effective way to deal with a person who suffers from BPD, as it can help reduce the emotional intensity level in the relationship and allow for some space and distance. It is important to remember, though, that each person is unique; therefore, no one approach will work for everyone. If you are considering using no contact with someone who suffers from BPD, it is important to speak to a professional first to ensure that it is the right decision for you and your situation.

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I'm Dr. George Keen, a PhD holder in Mental Health care from Johns Hopkins University, currently working as a university lecturer. My expertise lies in borderline personality disorder (BPD), and I've dedicated my time to writing informative blogs to help individuals better understand themselves and navigate relationships involving BPD. Now, let's delve into the key concepts discussed in the article:

  1. BPD Ex-Partners and Silence: The article explores the challenges of dealing with a BPD ex-partner who may have disappeared without warning. The author suggests the importance of understanding the behavior of BPD individuals in such situations.

  2. Rebuilding a Relationship with a BPD Ex: The central theme revolves around the desire to reconnect with a BPD ex-partner. The article provides insights into why BPD exes might go silent and offers advice on handling such situations.

  3. No Contact Strategy: The concept of implementing a "no contact" strategy with a BPD ex is discussed. The author emphasizes the importance of setting strict boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or therapists during this process.

  4. Reasons for BPD Ex-Contact: The article outlines various reasons why a BPD ex might reach out, such as missing the individual, wanting to reconcile, or feeling guilty about past actions. It also warns against being manipulated and encourages individuals to stay firm in their decisions.

  5. BPD and No Contact Challenges: The challenges of maintaining "no contact" with a BPD ex are addressed, including the possibility of the ex attempting to break the silence. The article advises standing firm and having a support system in place.

  6. Reconnecting with a BPD Ex: For those contemplating getting back together with a BPD ex, the article provides a step-by-step approach, including starting with casual conversations, observing reactions, and gradually rebuilding trust.

  7. BPD Returning After No Contact: The question of whether a person with BPD will return after a period of no contact is explored. The article emphasizes that even if contact is reestablished, it doesn't guarantee a successful relationship, emphasizing the need to start fresh.

  8. Effectiveness of No Contact with BPD: The article discusses the effectiveness of implementing a "no contact" strategy with someone with BPD. It acknowledges that no contact can be helpful in reducing emotional intensity in the relationship but emphasizes individual differences and the need for professional guidance.

In conclusion, the article provides a comprehensive understanding of dealing with a BPD ex-partner, from the challenges of silence to strategies like "no contact" and potential reconnection, all backed by insights and advice from a mental health expert.

Will My BPD-Ex Ever Contact Me Again (2024)

FAQs

Will my BPD ex ever talk to me again? ›

Ultimately, whether your BPD ex will come back after a breakup will depend on a variety of factors, including the specific dynamics of your relationship, the severity of their BPD symptoms, and their level of motivation to work on themselves and the relationship.

How do BPD relationships finally end? ›

Conversely, the individual with BPD may end the relationship abruptly and without warning. They may state that their partner is not meeting their needs or is not worth their time, and may move on to a new relationship without looking back.

Do BPD exes come back after discard? ›

Will someone with BPD revalue you after a discard if they fear you are about to abandon them? Its possible either way. …. yes and no. Borderlines rapid cycle emotionally and will run through every permutation or scenario in their minds that all ends with your going to leave me regardless.

How long does BPD idealization last? ›

Average seems to be about three months.

Does no contact work on borderlines? ›

Borderlines also have no ability to retain any “constancy” in a relationship. They can not build trust. It evaporates when the relationship is out of sight. No contact=out of sight= no relationship, no trust… “cutting”…

Why does my BPD ex keep calling me? ›

They most likely have found themselves in a situation where they alone and looking for someone familiar to ground them. Reconnecting as friends is not a bad thing,but make sure you have boundaries out in place,and stick by them.

Why do BPD ignore texts? ›

Individuals with BPD may withdraw affection, attention, or support from the person they have devalued. They may become emotionally distant, ignore their messages or calls, or even cut off contact entirely as a way to punish or distance themselves from the person they perceive as unworthy.

Do borderlines regret push you away? ›

People with BPD may experience rage when they perceive rejection, neglect, or abandonment in a relationship. During rage, a person may say or do things that they later regret. This could lead to ending the relationship in the heat of the moment.

Why do people with BPD end up alone? ›

Borderline Personality

Patients fear being abandoned, yet relationships rupture easily. Together with a chronic feeling of emptiness, patients with BPD are highly susceptible to feeling intensely lonely.

What is the final discard of BPD? ›

The Discard Stage

In this stage, the individual with BPD may withdraw or cut off from the relationship, often as a defense mechanism against perceived abandonment. It is often the most challenging stage for the other partner, involving intense emotions and potential conflict.

Do borderlines miss their ex? ›

I'm a self-aware woman with BPD, and I miss my ex every single solitary day. I dream about him and he's always on my mind. When something good happens I want to tell him, when something bad happens I want him to hold me. I discarded himover a year ago after he managed to hurt me worse than I've ever…

Do borderlines know they hurt you? ›

Most borderlines, until and unless they have substantial and successful therapy are not consciously aware of what I am describing here. Some are totally oblivious to their behavior. Some see their behavior as a means to an end and take little to no responsibility for it or any of its consequences.

Do BPD want you to chase them? ›

This is that push-pull thing you hear about a lot. Basically, a relationship with a BPD is to be had on their terms always and only, and those terms will change at the blink of an eye, without warning or notice. Dont chase them and it won't work, chase too much and it wont work.

When someone with BPD ignores you? ›

People with BPD in relationships might cut you off suddenly if they feel disrespected or rejected. If the person with BPD hasn't received care or insight into their diagnosis, this can sometimes lead to big reactions. A small inconvenience can snowball into something larger.

What's the longest a BPD episode can last? ›

BPD splitting episodes do not have a time limit. They can last anywhere from a few hours to a few months.

Why do BPD exes come back? ›

Once they realize what they have done, they may become overwhelmed with anxiety and seek to repair the relationship. This may result in efforts to contact the ex-partner and attempts to get back together. Because their anxiety is overwhelming, they may disregard the other person's boundaries.

Do BPD still have feelings for ex? ›

Yes they do although those feelings are always going up and down round and round due to the disorganised attachment with you. During the relationship their attachment to you is insecure and somewhat disordered due to the fear of abandonment issues.

Should I go no contact with my BPD ex? ›

If they tell you that having less contact with you than when you were previously in a relationship is causing them pain, then it may be best to go no contact. On occasion, a BP might actually initiate no contact. If that happens, accept that this is what they have deemed this necessary for their healing.

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