10 Signs You Are a Friend of Convenience (2024)

If you have a friend who is friendly, nice, and supportive only as long as it doesn’t require too much time or energy from them, you might be their friend of convenience. These can be benign work friendships that last as long as you’re both working together, or they can be more toxic friendships.[1] Being a “convenient friend” sometimes means that you’re stuck in a one-sided friendship where you’re being taken advantage of.

This article will review 10 signs that one or more of your “friends” sees you as a friend of convenience but probably wouldn’t be there for you if it required them to put more effort in.

Sections

  1. What is a friend of convenience?
  2. 10 signs you’re a friend of convenience
  3. Should I end a friendship of convenience?
  4. How to end a friendship of convenience
  5. Common questions

What is a friend of convenience?

A friendship of convenience is exactly what it sounds like: a friendship that lasts as long as it is convenient for one or both people. There are many different types of friends, and a convenient friend is often a fair-weather friendship that probably wouldn’t survive a hardship, conflict, or big favor. The thing about these kinds of friendships is that they require little to no effort to maintain, either because these are friends you see all the time or because one person does all the work.

10 signs you’re a friend of convenience

Not all convenient friendships are bad. For example, being friendly with coworkers can make you happier and more productive at work, even if you just remain “work friends.”[2] The same is also true for anyone you need to interact with frequently, including mutual friends of your partner or people you volunteer with. The bad kind of convenient friendships are ones that leave you feeling taken advantage of or like you’re the only one making an effort.[1]

If you’re wondering what the signs of being a convenient friend are, here are 10 red flags to watch out for.

1. You’re always operating around their schedule

One of the top signs of being a convenient friend is when it always feels like plans need to revolve around their schedule and availability. They might even assume that your schedule is completely open without even asking if you have other plans.

Getting texts like, “Let’s meet this Friday, because my week is jam-packed” is an example of someone expecting you to squeeze yourself into their (very important) life. These kinds of texts can also be a sign that your friend doesn’t respect you or doesn’t value your time.

2. You wouldn’t see or talk if you didn’t initiate

Good, strong friendships are ones where both people put in time, energy, and effort. If this isn’t happening because you’re always the one to initiate, it may be another sign that they view you as a friend of convenience. For example, if you wouldn’t talk, text, or hang out with a work friend unless you were the one to reach out, you may be overestimating how close you and your friend really are.

3. They only call when they need something

One of the most frustrating signs of being a friend of convenience is when you have a friend who only calls or reaches out to you when they need something. For example, you might hear from them only when they need a dog sitter, a work favor, or a 5 am ride to the airport. This kind of friendship is often one-sided, meaning you can’t call in the same kind of favors from them.

4. You’re their backup plan when they’re bored

No one wants to be someone’s second choice or backup plan when other plans fall through. If this happens regularly to you, it’s usually another one of the bright red flags that indicate that this person isn’t a true friend. For example, a friend who only wants to hang out when their BFF or boyfriend is out of town may just be lonely, bored, or has nothing “better” to do.

5. They don’t respond to your texts or calls

Some people just aren’t big texters or don’t check their phones a lot, but a friend who almost never responds to your texts and calls can be a bad sign. This is especially true if you see them answering and responding to other people’s texts when you hang out with them. While this can be hurtful, it’s also a good indication that this person doesn’t have the qualities of a true friend.

6. They’re quick to ditch you for someone else

If you have a flaky friend who is quick to back out of plans, it’s not always because they see you as a friend of convenience. It could be that they are equally flaky with all of their friends. However, if you hear from other people or see photo proof on social media that they ditched you to hang out with other friends, this isn’t a good sign. In fact, it’s probably a sign of a bad friend who isn’t loyal and wouldn’t show up if you needed them.

7. Being friendly to you benefits them

While you shouldn’t be suspicious of a friend’s motives without having some evidence to back it up, there are some people who do take advantage of their friends. For example, some people form strategic friendships with people who have power or influence, hoping to get a personal benefit from them. Be wary of friends who seem fake or turn up the charm when there’s something they want from you.

8. They go MIA for long stretches of time

A friend who ghosts you or goes long stretches without returning your calls or responding to your texts might be going through a hard time. Still, you should be concerned if this becomes a pattern. This is especially true if they only resurface when they have a favor, are bored or lonely, or need something from you.

9. They get bored when you talk about yourself

If one or more of your friends gets bored when you talk about yourself or what’s going on in your life, it’s sometimes a sign they aren’t a great friend. This is especially true when you have a friend who only talks about themselves, never pausing to ask how you’re doing. There are categories of friendships, and these kinds of friendships are often the one-sided type, which can be frustrating, exhausting, and hurtful.

10. They don’t show up when you need something

One of the best ways to tell the difference between a friend of convenience and a real friend is to ask yourself, “Does this person turn up when I need help, support, or a favor?” Friends who call on you for favors but go MIA when you need something is a clear sign of a one-sided friendship. Without reciprocity, friendships can’t remain strong and close.[3]

Should I end a “convenient friendship”?

Not all friendships of convenience are bad, especially if the friendship is mutually beneficial. For example, maintaining superficial friendships with people at work can make your job easier, more fun, and more satisfying.[2]

It’s usually only necessary to end a friendship of convenience when the benefits aren’t mutual and the relationship only benefits one person. Reciprocity is a key part of what makes friendships so important, so it’s best to pull back from friendships that start to feel one-sided.[3]

If you notice some of the signs listed above, it might be important to take a step back, re-evaluate the friendship, and decide whether or not it’s worth it to keep being friends. Keep in mind that most people are only able to maintain about 5 close friendships at a time, meaning it’s important to choose your inner circle wisely.[4]

How to end a friendship of convenience

A lot of people don’t know how to stop being friends with someone without being mean or having to deal with a lot of drama. Sometimes, ending a fair-weather friendship only requires pulling back and not putting as much time and effort in. When you stop doing all of the work to maintain the friendship, many fake, flaky, or fairweather friends will just drift away.

If they’re people you still see at work, church, or other places, you can still be polite without feeling the need to pretend you’re BFFs. You can simply smile, be friendly, make small talk, and go on about your business. It’s often as simple as that.

If it’s not that simple (e.g., your friend keeps calling, asking for favors, or stringing you along), you might need to have a more candid conversation. You can be honest and let them know you feel they haven’t been a great friend to you. Some may step up and make more of an effort, and others won’t, but either way, you’ll probably be better off.

Final thoughts

Knowing the signs of being a “friend of convenience” can sometimes help you evaluate these friendships differently and invest less of your time and effort into them. Not all friendships of convenience are bad, and it’s sometimes good to have these types of friends in your life, especially when the benefits are mutual. Still, it’s important to know the difference between fake friends and real friends and to put your time, energy, and effort into the friends who you know have your back.

Common questions

Why do I tolerate being a friend of convenience?

Unfortunately, a lot of kind, generous people get taken advantage of by others who aren’t as selfless. Sometimes, this means you might need to learn to set better boundaries with friends, and other times it just means you need to choose better friends.

Does someone who treats you as a friend of convenience do it on purpose?

Not all friends who treat you as a friend of convenience have bad or selfish intentions. Some may just be trying to keep things friendly (like people you often have to interact with at work). The ones who don’t have good intentions are often the ones who use or take advantage of you.

Show references +

References

  1. Grunebaum, J. O. (2005). Fair-weather friendships. Journal of Value Inquiry, 39(2), 203.
  2. Seppala, E. & King, M. (2017). Having Work Friends Can be Tricky But It’s Worth It. Harvard Business Review.
  3. Blieszner, R., & Roberto, K. A. (2004). Friendship across the life span: Reciprocity in individual and relationship development. Growing together: Personal Relationships Across the Life Span, 159-182.
  4. Han, S. (2021). You Can Only Maintain So Many Close Friendships. The Atlantic.
10 Signs You Are a Friend of Convenience (2024)

FAQs

How do you know if you are a friend of convenience? ›

You could be a convenience friend if someone shares their story with you just because you're available or tend to listen to them without judgment, but they're distracted or dismissive when you offer an opinion. Indeed, offering support in tough times and mindful listening are some of the qualities of true friendship.

What defines a convenience friend? ›

A friendship of convenience is exactly what it sounds like: a friendship that lasts as long as it is convenient for one or both people. There are many different types of friends, and a convenient friend is often a fair-weather friendship that probably wouldn't survive a hardship, conflict, or big favor.

What are the types of convenience friends? ›

Convenience friends

Example of these friendships include mom friends and gym buddies. And while these relationships may be based on pure chance, they can help you break away from traditional friend groups and have experiences with others who share your interests.

What are the 5 signs you are a good friend to others? ›

A good friend:
  • is there for you, no matter what.
  • doesn't judge you.
  • doesn't put you down or deliberately hurt your feelings.
  • is kind and respectful to you.
  • is someone whose company you enjoy.
  • is loyal.
  • is trustworthy and willing to tell you the truth, even when it's hard for you to hear.
  • laughs with you.

How do you know if your friend is an attention seeker? ›

fishing for compliments by pointing out achievements and seeking validation. being controversial to provoke a reaction. exaggerating and embellishing stories to gain praise or sympathy. pretending to be unable to do something so someone will teach, help, or watch the attempt to do it.

Why do people only contact me when they need me? ›

If you only receive messages or contact from your friend when they need emotional, physical, or financial support, it could indicate they're taking advantage of you. Instead of asking you to hang out or to strike up a conversation, they may feel that you have helped them in the past and will do so again.

What are the three types of convenience? ›

The most common types of convenience goods include newspapers, magazines, confectionery and petrol.

What are the characteristics of convenience? ›

Convenience products are typically low-priced, not-differentiated among other products, and placed in locations where consumers can easily purchase them. The products are widely distributed, require mass promotion, and are placed in convenient locations.

What are examples of convenience? ›

Examples of convenience products are bread, soft drinks, pain reliever, and coffee. They also include headphones, power cords, and other items that are easily misplaced. From the consumer's perspective, little time, planning, or effort go into buying convenience products.

How do you know when someone isn't happy for you? ›

  • They don't really know you anymore. ...
  • They avoid meeting or keep cancelling plans. ...
  • You aren't included in their social lives. ...
  • They seem distant and avoidant. ...
  • They always place the blame on you. ...
  • They're never around in difficult times. ...
  • They never seem happy for you.

What does it mean to be convenient to someone? ›

What does it mean to be a convenience to someone? Being convenient to someone or being in a relationship of convenience to someone is just letting someone depend on you because it's easy for them and not because they care about you. They respect you but they do not love you in the way that you think they do.

What are the 4 C's in friends? ›

The four factors that are most effective in initial verbal contacts are confidence, creativity, caring and consideration — otherwise known as the Four Cs.

What are the characteristics of a fake friend? ›

They make you feel bad about yourself.

A fake friend is not going to uplift you the way a true friend does. Leeds says that when you're around this person, "you may feel insecure, used, or judged." Sometimes, nothing even has to be explicitly said, but you can undoubtedly feel their judgment or disapproving looks.

Can you list three qualities of a good friend? ›

There are many characteristic of a good friend, but for me the most important is to be honest, responsible, and kind.

How do you outsmart an attention seeker? ›

Reactive Strategies
  1. Ignore attention-seeking behaviors. Providing the least amount of attention possible avoids feeding into or maintaining the problem behavior.
  2. Have an alternative consequence, but be consistent. ...
  3. Give positive attention to someone else. ...
  4. Remember, giving a reprimand is still giving attention.

What type of person is an attention seeker? ›

Personality disorders – A sustained pattern of attention seeking in adults is associated with histrionic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder.

What happens when you ignore an attention seeker? ›

The problem is, ignoring a child's “attention seeking” behaviour doesn't stop their need. In fact ignoring a child's need for attention usually means that they will become more desperate for attention and the behaviour will escalate. They will do what they need to until they get the attention they are looking for.

How do you tell if someone is using you? ›

Signs You're Being Used
  1. The person asks you for money, favors, or other items. ...
  2. The person imposes on you without consideration for your availability or preferences. ...
  3. The person expects you to take care of their needs. ...
  4. The person appears disinterested in you after their needs have been met.
Feb 14, 2023

When should you stop being friends with someone? ›

If your friend doesn't respect your feelings, it's an unhealthy relationship. Feeling anxious or negative in your friendship is a sign that it may be best to end it. Your friend is dishonest or holds back information. “Deep connections require trust,” Schmitt says.

How do you know if someone is taking advantage of you? ›

6 Signs Your Friend is Taking Advantage of You
  1. They only reach out when they need help. ...
  2. They don't listen to you, but always expect you to listen to them. ...
  3. They only want to hang out when it's convenient for them. ...
  4. They're constantly asking for favors. ...
  5. You're usually the one who pays.
May 22, 2019

Why do people choose convenience? ›

Why is Convenience important in consumer behavior? Customers are eager to pay for a convenient experience since time is money. Consumers are willing to pay for new technologies if they can save time and effort, which is why retailers always promote them.

What are the rules of convenience? ›

What is the “Rule of Convenience”? The rule is a principle of common law, which states that where a Will does not specify a time for carrying out a legacy under the Will, the payment should carry interest if it has not been paid by the one-year anniversary of the testator's death.

What is a good convenience? ›

A convenience good is a consumer item that is widely available and purchased frequently with minimal effort. Since a convenience good can be found readily, it does not typically involve an intensive decision-making process.

What is a culture of convenience? ›

The United States is sometimes referred to as having a culture of convenience. In other words, Americans are used to living a convenient lifestyle where most necessities (and luxuries) are easily available at all times.

What is convenience in communication? ›

1 suitable for one's purpose or needs; opportune. 2 easy to use.

What does for the purpose of convenience mean? ›

uncountable noun [with poss] If something is done for your convenience, it is done in a way that is useful or suitable for you.

What is the sense of convenience? ›

the fact of something being easy to do, get to, etc., or something that is useful and helpful: Convenience and comfort are both major factors in consumer choice.

What does own convenience mean? ›

at a suitable time, at your leisure, in your own time, whenever you like. More Synonyms of at your convenience.

What is the simple definition of convenience? ›

Britannica Dictionary definition of CONVENIENCE. 1. [noncount] : a quality or situation that makes something easy or useful for someone by reducing the amount of work or time required to do something. An elevator was available for the shoppers' convenience.

How do you tell if someone is jealous of you? ›

There Are 7 Key Signs Someone is Jealous of You:
  1. They criticize your successes.
  2. Express insincere compliments.
  3. Ignore/avoid you.
  4. Give the silent treatment.
  5. Compare themselves to you.
  6. Try to get attention from others.
  7. Or make negative comments about your possessions.
Feb 12, 2023

How do you know if a friend doesn't care about you? ›

15 Hard-to-Face Signs Your Friend Doesn't Care About You
  • They're not there for you. ...
  • They don't try to get to know you. ...
  • They use you. ...
  • They don't share in your joy. ...
  • They're unaccepting of you. ...
  • They don't make time for you. ...
  • They're unwilling to compromise. ...
  • They purposely bring you down.
Aug 30, 2022

How do you tell if a friend is jealous of you? ›

Six Signs Your Friend Is Jealous
  1. They greet your good news with negativity. When something good happens, you want to tell your closest friends about it. ...
  2. They frequently try to outdo or one-up you. ...
  3. They make you feel bad about yourself. ...
  4. They struggle with insecurity and self-esteem. ...
  5. They don't offer support.
Oct 12, 2019

How do I know if its love or convenience? ›

Love couples look forward to being together

On the other hand, couples in it for convenience live parallel lives; the time they spend together is not joyful and may not be a mutual experience. When they are apart, they feel relieved, and they rarely think about their significant other.

How do you know a guy is just keeping you around? ›

14 subtle signs he's just leading you on
  • He's a little too nice. ...
  • He's inconsistent with texting. ...
  • He says he wants to make plans, but … ...
  • He won't say the word “girlfriend” ...
  • You always text first. ...
  • He always needs something. ...
  • He won't introduce you to anyone. ...
  • You always hang out in big groups.
Aug 1, 2017

What are the 6 habits that build friendships? ›

Though every bond evolves in its own way, I have come to believe that there are six forces that help form friendships and maintain them through the years: accumulation, attention, intention, ritual, imagination, and grace.

What is Type 7 in friendships? ›

Enneagram Type 7

They exude positivity, and light and joy seem to follow them wherever they go. This can be a wonderful trait in friendships, as Sevens are often conflict and negative feelings adverse. You likely always have a good and wholesome time when around your Seven friends.

What is Rule 5 in friendship? ›

Rule #5: Always do the Thanksgiving wishbone with your bestie. Rule #6: If you can't tell your best friend about something you're doing, you probably shouldn't be doing it. Rule #7: No matter how mad you are at your best friend, you have to forgive them if they give you ice cream.

What are examples of false friends? ›

What is a false friend? False friends are word pairings in two different languages that appear to have a similar phonetic form, but in reality have entirely different meanings, origins, and spelling. For example, the German word “enkel”, although pronounced nearly the same as English word “ankle”, means “grandchild.”

What are the dangers of fake friends? ›

They are probably part of a clique instead of a group of friends. Remember, fake friends often resort to peer pressure,2 which then leads to bullying, ostracizing, and other forms of relational aggression. Stress to your kids that true friends like them for who they are.

What are the 3 C's in friendship? ›

A different way of categorizing friendship is by applying “The Three C's”. There are three basic types of people with whom you interact: Constituents, Comrades, and Confidants.

Who is a true good friend? ›

True friends are usually those who offer you support, improve your quality of life, promote self-confidence, provide honesty and unconditional love, and help you progress mentally. It often takes time and effort to foster deep, healthy friendships.

What is the best type of friend? ›

“Characteristics of a good friend include: the ability to genuinely love another person and have empathy; the ability to be supportive and have fun; and the ability to be honest, as well as encouraging through the rough times (we all have those rough times, right?).” Pruden adds that her mom always quoted her mom when ...

What makes a strong friendship? ›

If you and your friend have trust, equality, compassion, honesty, and independence, you already have the foundation of a strong and healthy friendship. Even though it can be hard to recognize when a friendship is weak in some areas, it is always possible to improve yourself and your relationship with a friend.

What makes someone a friend? ›

The definition of a friend for most of us is someone who we feel connected to and who is there for us in some way. A friend is often someone that you share a bond with. You may share some common beliefs and values with friends, and often, a friend is someone you trust and enjoy being around.

What is the difference between a close friend and a good friend? ›

A close friend is someone you rely on and can trust, but a best friend is a person with whom you share everything. The key distinction is that level of friendship shared by two best friends is greater than two close friends.

Why do people like convenience? ›

Even when time-saving measures could have a detrimental effect, most people want to save time in any way they can. So, when the time comes to fulfill wants, convenience becomes even more prized. We don't want to "work" at something in our free time.

How do you tell if a man is with you for convenience? ›

The clearest signs that you're in a relationship of convenience
  1. You have a gut feeling that something isn't quite right. ...
  2. They're not there for you when you need them. ...
  3. You don't make each other a priority. ...
  4. You haven't been introduced to their family and friends. ...
  5. You don't see their family or friends.

How do I know someone is using me? ›

They may expect you to listen to them, but not be willing to hear what you have to say. In a relationship, being used might involve selfishness and disinterest in your needs. It may also involve someone only being interested in a sexual relationship while refusing to make any other type of emotional commitment.

What is the golden rule in relationships? ›

Our golden rule for couples is: “Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.” Instead of treating our partner as we would like to be treated, we need to treat them as they want to be treated. This is harder than it seems, for at least three reasons.

How much do people value convenience? ›

52 percent of shoppers said that half or more of their purchases are influenced by convenience.

What is the level of convenience? ›

An indication of the ease of preparation for semi-prepared products. The convenience level indicates the level of preparation in percentage required to prepare and helps the consumer to assess how long it will take to prepare the meal.

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