Can Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder Fall in Love? | STR Behavioral Health (2024)

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Can Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder Fall in Love? | STR Behavioral Health (1)

Whether they’re romantic or platonic, relationships may be different for people who have mental illnesses. When it comes to BPD, people experience unique and overwhelming emotions in romantic relationships especially. Some may say that relationships with people who have BPD can’t last — so let’s get to the bottom of it.

What It’s Like Having Borderline Personality Disorder

If you or someone you know has Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), you may notice that having this disorder can impact how people process their emotions. Some people with BPD may be known to show signs such as:

  • Being impulsive
  • Rising quickly to intense anger, anxiety, or depression
  • Being more prone to injury, fights, or aggression
  • Having episodes lasting from a few hours to several days
  • Having a hard time finding a middle ground — have extreme highs & lows

It can be difficult to maintain relationships with people who have BPD, especially romantic relationships. While these relationships may be very rewarding and passionate, they’re also known to get tumultuous.

The Science of Falling in Love

Basically, having a partner with BPD may be overall more intense than being with someone who doesn’t have it. However, this means that these people are completely invested.

Here are just a few ways that relationships involving BPD may differ from other romantic relationships:

  1. Affection – People with BPD are either extremely affectionate or withdrawn, which may be confusing for those who don’t have the disorder.
  2. Abandonment – Lots of people are scared that their partner isn’t happy; but when you have BPD, you may be in constant worry that they will leave
  3. Approach – If you notice that your partner is acting a little different than usual, you might talk to them about it; people with BPD may instead withdrawal out of fear

Since people with BPD may have a harder time upholding lasting romantic relationships, it’s been rumored that they aren’t able to love. So if you’re considering starting a relationship with someone who has this disorder, it’s important to understand their behaviors and emotions.

Loving Someone With BPD — Can They Love You Back?

Romantic relationships involving someone with BPD can be considered dysfunctional for several reasons. A few of the issues that might arise are:

  • The person quickly feeling smothered
  • Sudden withdrawal
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Frequent lying
  • Impulsive and aggressive sexuality
  • Public outbursts and arguments

While these behaviors can make a relationship rocky, people with BPD can also bring a lot of joy. People affected by this disorder are known to be fun, exciting, and passionate. This makes them very devoted and caring partners who are physically affectionate and enjoy spending time with their significant other.

People with BPD tend to have shorter-lived relationships because of their behavior; but successful and long-lasting partnerships are possible. In fact, their partner’s stability might have a positive impact on them as the relationship progresses.

Maintaining Healthy Relationships

At the end of the day, people with BPD can fall in love; it just takes some work from both sides of the relationship. Treatment is the first step — options may include:

  • Individual and couple’s therapy
  • Medication
  • Hospitalization

But more importantly, people with BPD need a strong support network. As long as they are putting in effort, they should learn to develop healthy coping mechanisms and react in ways that are less harmful to the relationship. As long as both partners are pulling their weight and being patient, a happy and healthy relationship is very possible.

To learn more about symptoms and behaviors of people with BPD, contact our team of mental illness professionals at 866-488-8349

Sources

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder-relationships

https://www.verywellmind.com/understanding-romantic-bpd-relationships-425217

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Can Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder Fall in Love? | STR Behavioral Health (2024)

FAQs

Can people with borderline personality disorder truly love? ›

Although the path to a healthy relationship for a person with BPD can be challenging, it's far from impossible. Individuals with BPD can form meaningful and loving relationships with the right treatment and effort.

What is the trauma of dating someone with BPD? ›

Emotional trauma can manifest in various ways, including anxiety, depression, flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, difficulties with trust and intimacy, and changes in self-esteem. If you find yourself experiencing these symptoms, it is essential to seek support and acknowledge the trauma you have endured.

How do BPD people fall in love? ›

At the start of the relationship, your partner with BPD might tend to idealize you and everything you do. They may focus all their attention on you, singing your praises, and demanding your attention. They might see only the positives and feel you correspond to their interest and feelings.

Why are borderlines so seductive? ›

They're easily seduced by the borderline's extreme openness, charm, and vulnerability. In addition, the borderline's passion and intense emotions are enlivening to non-BPDs, who find being alone depressing or “healthy” people boring.

Will someone with BPD hurt you? ›

Many individuals with BPD never commit any aggressive acts during their lives. If you are feeling threatened, even if no violence has occurred in your relationship, you should take that seriously. If you already feel unsafe, it is possible the situation could escalate to the point of violence.

What are BPD eyes? ›

Dissociation and Emotional Dysregulation in BPD

This might manifest as a "glazed-over" or "empty" look in their eyes, hence the term "empty eyes." This phenomenon is also associated with depersonalization or derealization, where individuals feel detached from themselves or their surroundings.

Do people with BPD punish their partners? ›

Borderline splitting can burn bridges in relationships when they act in ways to make their partner pay for it or punish them, being spiteful when they perceive they are being hurt or mistreated.

Do people with BPD hurt the ones they love? ›

Maintaining a relationship with a friend or family member with BPD can be difficult. However, it's important to understand that people with BPD often engage in destructive behaviors not because they intend to hurt you but because their suffering is so intense that they feel they have no other way to survive.

How do borderlines act after breakup? ›

The individual with BPD tends to blame themselves for the breakup and may experience an increase in depression, anxiety, anger and self-harming behaviors.

What kind of partner does someone with BPD need? ›

Manning encourages, “In my experience, people with BPD do not do well in relationships with those who are emotionally insensitive, but can thrive in relationships with people who are willing to experience and talk about their emotions.

How fast does someone with BPD fall in love? ›

It's very common for someone with this disorder to have intense, unstable relationships filled with drastic and quick-changing feelings. A person with BPD may fall in love quickly and assume that the other person will make them happy.

Who are BPD attracted to? ›

People with BPD are attracted to people with narcissistic qualities because they have similar relationship skills. Both types tend to get into relationships quickly. They may feel romantic emotions more intensely than others.

Are borderlines good in bed? ›

BPD affects the sexual functioning of many of those who suffer. Sex is sometimes weaponized in order to cause partners emotional pain. Individuals in sexual relationships with sufferers of BPD need to set healthy boundaries to protect themselves.

Are BPD hypersexual? ›

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a complex psychiatric condition marked by intense emotional reactivity, unstable relationships, and impulsivity. One manifestation of this impulsivity can be hypersexuality, a behavior characterized by a significantly increased interest in or engagement with sexual activity.

Do people with BPD really love their favorite person? ›

However, because of the nature of this condition, the favorite person connection may sometimes swing between extreme love and attachment to a strong dislike. This switch may occur when the person with BPD perceives that their emotional needs aren't being adequately met.

Do people with BPD ever have successful relationships? ›

If one or both partners in a relationship have BPD, that doesn't mean the relationship is doomed to fail or become a source of stress. Taking the right steps can help minimize the negative impact on your relationship and help you maintain a healthy, satisfying connection with your partner.

How long do BPD relationships last? ›

Some people have relationships that just last a few weeks or months, while other people living with BPD have relationships that last years or even decades, though, the relationship may have cycled through periods of breaking up and getting back together.

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